I am a “see-it-to-believe-it” person. And when the idea of Brain Highways was introduced to me, there was a level of high doubt.
My daughter Grace, who was 7, was going through quite a stage at this time. We were beginning to feel close to hopeless about how to help her and how to understand why she was so emotional. She would have unbelievable long, tantrum-like meltdowns. Most of them occurred out of nowhere, at any place, and usually stemmed from something not going her way.
It caused tons of stress on our marriage. I was being too easy and sensitive, and my husband was being too harsh and insensitive. I would feel guilty and blame myself whenever these meltdowns would come. Along with this, Grace had no motivation in school. She was behind in reading, extremely shy around others, and seemed to lack confidence in herself and her schoolwork.
After doing some research about Brain Highways, we decided to go in and get screened. Why not? We felt that we were losing control quickly. My husband and I were definitely not seeing eye-to-eye, and Grace was losing herself more and more as time passed.
At the screening, I was able to meet other parents, other families that felt like we did—that there was something that we were missing. There was hope in every one of our eyes. We knew how incredible our children were, and how utterly sweet and amazing they really could be, but there seemed to be a missing part that we were all very eager to find.
Later that evening, my husband and I decided to commit. We figured we had nothing to lose. It made sense. And just like that we were off…..!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
In the beginning, it was difficult. It was challenging to stay on track, and implement the program into our busy schedules. My husband took the initiative with Grace, and committed to creeping everyday with her in the evenings that I worked.
My husband is a navy veteran, and he was diagnosed with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). He also had a lot of damage done to his body during his service.
Before Brain Highways, my husband always lived on the edge, without a lot of patience for anyone. A lot of his impatience stemmed from the time he served in the war, and there were memories that were haunting him.
Grace and he would have great days, but then, also not great days. Some of those days ended with him yelling (for her not listening) and then Grace getting scared at the tone of his voice, and endless nights of crying.
But, somehow, in all this creeping and crawling, he was able to reorganize his brain and his thoughts, allowing himself to let go of these images that were lingering in his mind everyday. He began to form patience, and a superior gentleness to him.
His relationship with Grace blossomed into one of the most incredible things I have ever witnessed. He became a listener. He became more nurturing and easier to talk to, and for the first time, in a long time, our marriage was growing together and stronger. Our family was in sync, and it was amazing. We bonded over creeping, learning about the brain, accepting the fact that the brain can change, crawling, swords, lizards, and eye exercises.
I had my own realizations by participating in the program. The reframing exercise was the hardest for me since I had to face why I had been too lenient with Grace, why I always gave in to her, and why she reacted as she did.
I will never forget the conversation I had with Nancy about the true reason of WHY I did all that. I had done the reframing at home and now brought it to class. Nancy pulled me aside and referred to my sheet. And she busted me! She just asked me why? WHY do I give in?
And at the moment I realized where this was all coming from, my FEAR was why I let Grace get away with acting out in ways that did not serve her well. And I said it, “I guess I’m just afraid that my daughter will have the same resentment towards me that I have with my father.”
And Nancy said (in her Nancy voice), “You mean you’re subconsciously projecting that thought onto Grace when she has no idea of how you feel about your dad and has no reason for her to feel that way about YOU?”
And it hit me; I blinked back tears, because THAT was true!
Later that evening, I let loose. And cried and cried. I so needed to cry and let these terrible emotions that had tied me down for so long go. I forgave my Dad for putting that on me, which he had actually carried down from his own mother. So, I forgave her too! And after twenty years, a weight was lifted!
Along with these positive eye-opening experiences I was having, Grace began changing, too. The more creeping that was getting done, the less the meltdowns were occurring. Grace started to look forward to school and writing. She asked me to teach her how to write cursive.
Her confidence grew, too! She went from never raising her hand and volunteering in school, to asking to go up IN FRONT OF THE CLASS to share her work.
Grace has now become an extremely confident child with ambition! She loves school, socializing, and is quick to come home and teach us all she knows! She isn’t shy around people any more, and she usually will strike up the conversation with kids she first meets! You cannot stop her! She sings and dances while being recorded (when before, she would shy away from any kind of camera). Grace has no more meltdowns, and she is a much happier child, now that she has total control of her actions and emotions.
It’s heartwarming to hear Grace tell people about Brain Highways (of all ages!). She is quick to explain all she knows about the brain and the things you can do to help change it!
Finally, we are a fun-loving FUNCTIONAL family. And it comes naturally. We all have more respect for each other and love doing things together.
The Brain Highways road was challenging in the beginning, but the ride to and through the finish line as a family was such a great prize for all of us!